


Her Fears & Weakness

by Fi_Quinn



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Character Study, F/M, Inner Monolgue, POV Arya Stark, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21977440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fi_Quinn/pseuds/Fi_Quinn
Summary: Arya watches as Gendry gets down on one knee, asks the one thing she's been afraid of for so long. Asks one question she's tried to avoid, tried to forget about, and the fears it brings with it.
Relationships: Arya Stark/Gendry Waters
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Her Fears & Weakness

Arya watched in horror as Gendry got down on one knee, clearly determined. Arya stood, shocked, at Gendry’s bold and courageous proposal. She had never thought of herself as the type that would do this, get married so easily, like a lady. A real lady, not some bullshit lady. To rule. Storm’s End. With him. Just like she had sworn she would never do. 

She sighed, looking into Gendry’s hopeful eyes. How could she disappoint him? A true, real part of her wanted it, yearned to be with him forever, but she didn’t know if she could be a lady. 

Arya imagined herself, standing next to Gendry. She wouldn’t be able to stand next to him with a sword, with a dagger, with a tunic, could she? It would be dresses, dinners, ladies. She would be forced to turn into something more feminine, less her. She wasn’t that person. She couldn’t imagine herself the wife, the sweet mother, the sweet anything, really. All Arya had known for so many years was death. And that numb feeling in her heart. 

That feeling in her heart was the only reason she was even considering this. That warmness, the thawing of ice even as she just stared at Gendry, she felt something she had never felt before. Something in songs, that Sansa would have gushed about years and years ago. 

Not something built for this moment, this give and take. Even if she accepted, she knew it wouldn't make her happy. It would never be happy, only mediocre. Something to give just a glimmer in her eyes, but it would die quickly. Arya wanted the life of an adventurer, a warrior, not that of a lady. Of a proper person with proper responsibility and courtesy. That had never been her. Never, not once. Arya had always known that there had been something wrong when she was born to a proper Westerosi woman, when she was told to sew and sing instead of spar and shout. None of that had ever been meant for Arya, that was sure. She felt more at home with Needle in hand than wearing a dress, Arya had hardly worn a dress in such a long time.    


  
  
And now, Gendry was asking her to be his wife for life. A proper wife, it wouldn’t even be a stint they could do just for the two of them, it would be for an entire kingdoms of Westeros. For a world she’d have to serve, the way she’d watched her mother serve, the way she’d watched Sansa serve. Arya couldn’t do that, she didn’t have the same training, the same care, the same passion to do it. With Sansa, she had watched a strong lady, but a lady nonetheless in a way Arya would never be. A lady who suffered in silence, let others take credit, stood strong yet silent as a rock. 

Arya, despite all her strengths, did not think she could live like that. She knew Sansa’s struggles, every threat she said for the ten she swallowed, and couldn’t imagine that. Arya wanted battle, she wanted to know death , she just couldn’t deal with the stress of feasts and dancing and everything she hated in life. She would never be that person. 

Still, she didn’t know how to let Gendry down easily. With anyone else, it would have been easier. Though she did love Gendry, she just couldn’t be for Gendry what he actually needed, and that hurt. There was a part of her who would stay, but the rest of her knew what her love could not admit— it would never work, and there was no way to try and make it work. Gendry was rising up and above, which meant he would need a proper wife, he would marry a girl who knew every courtesy and had no personality, no attitude. He would be a great, compassionate Lord of Storm’s End, and Arya could see that within him, all that potential, but she couldn’t bring that out of him. Arya didn’t know how. 

She wasn’t meant for this. 

Arya was never supposed to have to even deal with this. Her plan had always been to leave once the war was over— where didn’t matter, just as long as she could have her sword in her hand and explore. Adventure. Journey beyond. Be everything that she couldn’t have been years ago, and Arya knew this would be happiness. A different sort of love, to a new path, rather than an old one. 

It was the road she’d only ever dreamed of following. When she was eight, and her father told her how she’d get married one day, when her mother told her about all the children and the lands she’d rule, all she’d ever wanted was to hit the open sea and leave Westeros. To go on an adventure the world would talk about, to be a legend.    
  


Now, all she wanted was to leave behind the memories, the ghosts, the politics. All of it could just run rampant, she didn’t care, as long as she didn’t have to suffer through all of it. She just couldn’t suffer through all of it. 

Arya had struggled through battle and death for this moment. This one chance to escape, to finally reach a dream she’d began as a child. 

Now, she was an adult, ready to take on the world. She had killed the Night King, she had fallen in love, but she had also lost two brothers, a father, a mother, a wolf, and countless friends. Too many fallen, too many that through all her belief in death, she couldn’t imagine the world without.

She was trying so hard to be strong, trying so hard to hold her head high, but how could she? How could she, looking at Gendry, thinking about the world, and realizing that when she talked about her strengths, she forgot all her weaknesses. She thought about every single one, from her fears of being what she’s always hated, to her fear of losing more people. Losing people in senseless battle, to losing her siblings as they sunk deeper into darkness. To being helpless on the side, like she had been when her father died. 

That’s why, it seemed, the only words she could make out to Gendry, staring into the hope of his dark blue eyes were simple. “I can’t marry you.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Despite that I hated the way GOT ended, I figured, why not choose one of the scenes that led to the rejection of one of the ultimate GOT ships. I love Gendrya, but I wanted to explore why the show runners decided Arya would do this, even if the moment of full rejection disappointed me (and many others). 
> 
> Any kudos, comments, thoughts, or ideas for other fics are always appreciated :)


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